2008 Woodie Awards
Halo 3 Cures Common Cold
By Tim Weilert
10/1/07 - Fool's Gold
Microsoft and Bungie Studios released the third and final installment of the "Halo" trilogy last week breaking sale records in the entertainment industry. Only one week since the release, side effects of human behavior by the video game have already been felt throughout the nation and world. The main side effect of compulsive Halo 3 usage appears to be a decrease in the spread of communicable diseases. Reported cases of the common cold, flu, rabies, chickenpox, hantavirus, turkeypox, and a slew of other diseases have dropped dramatically since Halo 3.
While a small portion of medical professionals cite "self-seclusion" from normal activity and human contact as the main result of Halo 3, a much larger section of the medical world believes what has become known as "HD Immune System Enhancement." Studies have found during extended periods of high definition images and sounds, the human body naturally produce excessive amounts of white blood cells, which in turn boosts immune system responses*.
In addition to curing the common cold, Halo 3 has a variety of other non-entertainment uses. Physics majors on campus at Mines have found Halo 3 useful as a disc for the daily ultimate frisbee games on Kafadar Commons. Halo 3 can also be used as a fairly effective coaster for a variety of beverages, hot or cold.
*The only known side effects of HDISE are blindness, deafness, social anxiety, excessive body odor, tooth decay, and arthritis.
While a small portion of medical professionals cite "self-seclusion" from normal activity and human contact as the main result of Halo 3, a much larger section of the medical world believes what has become known as "HD Immune System Enhancement." Studies have found during extended periods of high definition images and sounds, the human body naturally produce excessive amounts of white blood cells, which in turn boosts immune system responses*.
In addition to curing the common cold, Halo 3 has a variety of other non-entertainment uses. Physics majors on campus at Mines have found Halo 3 useful as a disc for the daily ultimate frisbee games on Kafadar Commons. Halo 3 can also be used as a fairly effective coaster for a variety of beverages, hot or cold.
*The only known side effects of HDISE are blindness, deafness, social anxiety, excessive body odor, tooth decay, and arthritis.
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