2008 Woodie Awards
Taser This!
CSU Student Tasered after Inflammatory Article
By Matthew Pusard
10/1/07 - Fool's Gold
After writing an incendiary free-speech editorial for the Colorado State University student paper, the author was tasered in his apartment by two secret service agents on Thursday. The divisive article that ignited a ruckus was entitled "Taser This!" and contained the message "[Expletive Deleted] Bush." This initiated a vast debate about First Amendment rights versus good judgment of the press when regarding obscenities.
The secret service agents, James Bauer, 34, and Patrick Snow, 36, flew into Colorado specifically for the tasering. On the evening of September 27th, the two men broke into the editors apartment at 7:52pm and saw a man sleeping on the couch. They immediately zapped him. It was later found that he was the roommate of the editorial writer, known as Steve. Steve mentioned that he was peeved about being shocked, but he played possum at the time. "Didn't want to see myself at the wrong end of a Guantanamo Bay trip."
The secret service agents soon found their way to the writer's room and found him also asleep. They turned up the voltage from 10,000 to 15,000 volts. They felt this would deliver a near fatal blow and get their message across. By doing so, they decreased the amperage so when they finally zapped the writer, he woke up, saw what they were doing, laughed, and fire proceeded to blow out of his nose.
The fire quickly spread to his bed and end table, breaking up the scene. The writer, agents, and formerly presumed-dead Steve fled the apartment. The agents ended up making a clean getaway from the scene before the firefighters arrived, doused the fire, and found Snow's credentials lying on the bedroom floor.
We caught up to the bold members of the secret service at Denver International Airport to ask them about the incident. When inquired ton their purpose, Bauer responded, "The article sounded like a dare."
Snow added, "It isn't like we were needed around the White House anyway. We just gave Cheney a shotgun and no one has come within a few blocks of the building since we left. The only downside is the dead squirrel piles on the White House lawn. When Cheney gets his gun, things tend to die in swarms"
Here at the Oredigger, this was a very important issue. One anonymous and stunningly handsome Fool's Gold writer had this to say about the controversy:
"I was offended by the editorial. It's not because it was obscene nor am I a Bush apologist. I was offended because it wasn't original. The best you can come up with is an obscenity to describe Bush? I'm pretty sure that's been said millions of times in New York City alone. In fact, I hear that's like a greeting in NYC. I know a lot of humor surrounding the president has been recycled these days, but this was not a step in the right direction. Like him or not, everyone knows Bush provides a proverbial treasure trove of jokes with his gaffs and malapropisms. The editor probably deserved a little bit of zapping for this crime against journalism."
The secret service agents, James Bauer, 34, and Patrick Snow, 36, flew into Colorado specifically for the tasering. On the evening of September 27th, the two men broke into the editors apartment at 7:52pm and saw a man sleeping on the couch. They immediately zapped him. It was later found that he was the roommate of the editorial writer, known as Steve. Steve mentioned that he was peeved about being shocked, but he played possum at the time. "Didn't want to see myself at the wrong end of a Guantanamo Bay trip."
The secret service agents soon found their way to the writer's room and found him also asleep. They turned up the voltage from 10,000 to 15,000 volts. They felt this would deliver a near fatal blow and get their message across. By doing so, they decreased the amperage so when they finally zapped the writer, he woke up, saw what they were doing, laughed, and fire proceeded to blow out of his nose.
The fire quickly spread to his bed and end table, breaking up the scene. The writer, agents, and formerly presumed-dead Steve fled the apartment. The agents ended up making a clean getaway from the scene before the firefighters arrived, doused the fire, and found Snow's credentials lying on the bedroom floor.
We caught up to the bold members of the secret service at Denver International Airport to ask them about the incident. When inquired ton their purpose, Bauer responded, "The article sounded like a dare."
Snow added, "It isn't like we were needed around the White House anyway. We just gave Cheney a shotgun and no one has come within a few blocks of the building since we left. The only downside is the dead squirrel piles on the White House lawn. When Cheney gets his gun, things tend to die in swarms"
Here at the Oredigger, this was a very important issue. One anonymous and stunningly handsome Fool's Gold writer had this to say about the controversy:
"I was offended by the editorial. It's not because it was obscene nor am I a Bush apologist. I was offended because it wasn't original. The best you can come up with is an obscenity to describe Bush? I'm pretty sure that's been said millions of times in New York City alone. In fact, I hear that's like a greeting in NYC. I know a lot of humor surrounding the president has been recycled these days, but this was not a step in the right direction. Like him or not, everyone knows Bush provides a proverbial treasure trove of jokes with his gaffs and malapropisms. The editor probably deserved a little bit of zapping for this crime against journalism."
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